Happy Birthday Hayder doo.....

Today is little Haydee babes 14th birthday! Like I always say time goes by way too fast! I wish you could have each year of childhood doubled... so today would be Hayden's 6/7th birthday...but I guess its a lesson to us not to rush each day away and to savor the little tiny bit of time we get to have these beautiful little people in our homes! In 5 birthdays I will be getting ready to send him on a mission.... only 5 birthdays ago I was getting ready to have Canyon and that seems like a couple weeks ago....anyway the tears are a streaming now... so lets just move on to 14 random things you may or may not know about Hayden... 1. He likes his hair long.... he actually spends lots of time on it (even though it does not look that way) he had really curly hair as a baby... I cried when we cut it off knowing it would not stay through his childhood, I figured it would come back with puberty, but I did not know that would come as quick as it did... anyway it came back with a vengeance and he hates it... (I love it curly) He has to use the straightener every day!
2. He was the happiest smiliest baby of all of my babies.... I know your shocked because it takes a lot to make him smile now, but its the truth... we called him smiling charlie!
3. He is Peter Pan and a cynical old man all mixed into one person... he does not want to grow up and never has... when he was little we went to see "My Dog Skip" we left the theater and he was sobbing and sobbing.... I tried to talk to him about how dogs die etc... but he was actually sad because the little boy grew up! Don't ask him what he is going to be when he grows up or who is going to marry etc because he refuses to talk about anything that has to do with him not being a kid!! Oh how I too wish we could freeze you little Hader babes...

4. He is a man/boy of very little words.... mostly all you hear him say is "ok" actually more like mmmk... even as a little guy his first words were full sentences he only says what he needs to and nothing in between.

5. He has a great sense of humor and can tease his dad like nobody else!! We laugh so hard so many times at Tom's expense because Hayden can imitate him perfectly.

6. Babies and really small children love him.... He doesn't try to make them like him like I said he is a man of little words.... but they seem to just like him...

7. He prefers to be alone for the most part and has always been that way.... when he was really little if people came over, even family he would go in his room by himself and stay away from any kind of crowd coming out when everyone was gone.

8. If he does let you into his world he loves you with all his heart....you may not see that but he really does... he has a few people that he seems to have a bond with or that I can tell he really likes.... Autumn, Josh, Brian and Robyn and Grandpa Tom and his Friend Jesse don't anyone else feel left out, I'm not on the list either don't get me wrong I know he loves his family......

9. He is a pretty intolerant person he does not tolerate a lot from people and is fine to be alone if you bother him in anyway... He likes Dogs more then people I think.

10. He is smarter then smart.... as a 3 year old he could hook up computer systems, game systems etc.... he likes Math and is good at it.....

11. He is very afraid of death, words like eternity, together for ever etc FREAK him out yet black is his favorite color!

12. He loves amusement parks, rides etc etc.... we went to Disneyland just the 2 of us 2 years ago and had the best time ever! Even though the first time we went to Disneyland all he said about each ride was "not today huh mommy" we forced him to ride and now he LOVES it all!

13. He loves "Top Ramen Noodles" he eats them everyday.... he also (unlike the rest of his family) loves meat, he loves doughnuts and used to dream of owning his own Krispy Kremes!!

14. He is the best surprise I ever got!! I love him more then he will ever know, he is my first son, he gives me someone to watch play baseball, to listen to the piano being played by, to help me when I am computerly challenged, to teach me great life lessons, to always have around, to help with his younger brother and to make me laugh. I love you Hayden Happy Birthday

The Everyone Wins theory.....

Let me first start by congratulating Madz on making the Herriman High drill team! Way to go!! Maybe my post would be different if she had not (I am not excusing myself from any of this)

With all these tryouts going on I have had a constant question the past few days..... "WHAT Have we done to our children"??? I have had quite a few of my students, this year including my own daughter trying out for drill team or cheer or dance co. etc, and have watched the stress, the tears, the agony and the pure terror they all face with "what if I don't make it" I went one day to watch through the window at Maddie's clinics, I thought I would peek in for second, I had 7 girls in there and wanted to see what their chances were and how I could help them... my daughter would not be happy with me watching she wants to do this all on her own... however I did it anyway.... well do you think I was alone... no way there were tons of mothers all bobbing their heads trying to get a glimpse into the gym, most of them seemed extremely anxious with the same what ifs.... so here is my question and problem with the whole scenario..... What if they don't make it?? We will all live even us parents. I think we all look back at our own childhood and think "I didn't like how I felt when this or that happened" so we try to save our children from any hurt feelings or any disappointment at all. So what we have now is 15 year old girls (and boys) who have no idea with how to deal with the fact that not everyone will make it and not everyone wins!! We have created children/people who always get a trophy whether they win or not... kids who can not even have their name on the board in school for passing off math facts or anything else because someone might feel left out. Really TOO bad, that's how life works we now have children who are beside them self with grief because they didn't make the cut. The other thing I noticed is nothing is ever their fault or their lack of hard work everything is someone Else's fault, they have absolutely no ownership in their own mistakes or shortcomings.... Not everyone is good at everything, not everyone is going to get the job as adults etc so why not teach them a little disappointment and a little bit of try harder and maybe next time your name will be the one with all the stars next to it. With making everything fair and everyone always wins we are not teaching our children to work hard towards something and we are also not preparing them for the real world as adults... (Well maybe with Obama..) When I was a kid your name got on the board if you passed off your facts, you only got trophies when your team won. In fact in dance competitions all kids of the same grade went against each other, their could be 75 kids... and only 4 winners. When I went to drill team tryouts, my mom had nothing to do with it. She wasn't peeking in the window, she wasn't out in the hall after tryouts wanting to talk to the judges because they were obviously not watching her daughter fairly and their must be some mistake (I actually just heard of a mom having this exact conversation). Don't get me wrong my mom was very supportive she came to all my performances was part of the booster club etc, but it wasn't going to be the end of her world if I didn't make it. I think that is another part of the problem of what are we are doing to our kids.... we are so worried about how it will look for us, oh no our kid is not the best what will we do!! I am the worst I actually said to Maddie "do you know how this will look for me if you don't make it" I will regret that coming out of my mouth for the rest of my life.... (in my defense it is because I own my dance studio and the fact that my daughter again had a main part in the Production # stresses me out that other parents will wonder why she always gets them etc even though it was other teachers who helped me decide to let her do it, I am very very hard on her and no one understands the pressure I put on her, the constant critiquing she has to endure). I'm sure the added pressure was not something she needed and really was I worried about her feelings or just how I would look? Honestly both and that is very sad, it should be all about her and not at all about me, it should be how can I help her to make the team or to be able to handle the disappointment if she doesn't... I am failing as her mother I do have to admit and succeeding at being selfish and making everything about me!! I do have one family in my studio who have taught their children hard work and I have watched their daughter not make the team with more grace then I have seen in a long time...
Anyway what do you all think are we teaching our children to be whimps???