Miscarriages... part 3

I used to know every original due date and little facts about each pregnancy/miscarriage even how many weeks totaled I had been pregnant in my life and now most of that has faded from my memory.... So # 3 I only remember going and doing blood test every few days to see if my hormone levels were doubling, which they weren't so I knew pretty early on this time things were not working out.....#4 I was the Young Women's President I had not told anyone that I was even pregnant under the circumstances I had learned to not tell for a really long time so less people would know when it did not work out....anyway we were driving down to Snow College for a Youth Conference their was one other leader going with me and then a mom driving girls down(not planning on staying).... Well on the drive down I had all this fluid come out sort of blood sort of not (sorry tmi) anyway I drove the girls down, told the 2 other adults I was pregnant and what was going on and that I needed to run to my doctor and that I would be back....needless to say the volunteer driver ended up staying for me and I did not make it back, I went in for an ultra sound and the heart was still beating, but I had had a huge tear in the placenta... I was put on bed rest and told to come back in a week and we would see how things looked... before the week was up I knew things were not right, I stopped feeling sick which was always a bad sign for me.... I knew what was happening this time... when I went back the next week I was right, and the baby had actually died maybe the day after the first ultra sound not enough of the placenta left. Its the weirdest kind of sadness and hard to explain, but if you've experienced it you know what I am talking about. Also after a D&C they give you this drug I think it is called Premarin maybe... anyway the doctor didn't tell me that it makes you depressed, I looked it up after a few different miscarriages where I would be doing ok, then 1/2 hour after I had taken the medicine I would start crying again. Of course your going to be sad and emotional, but the hormones running crazy through your body really add to the whole thing!!
#5 don't remember too much I know I had made it to 13 or 14 weeks, isn't that awful I don't remember anything else??? I think part of that is because #6 takes over all the allotted memory space in my brain. So because I had lost 2 or 3 already at around 14 weeks, I got overly anxious around this time.... I probably really needed some Valium or something.... I would actually have anxiety attacks going into the doctors office... I even went in last year just for an annual and started having one because of the room they put me in..... actually I just have a flash back and I think it goes to #5 I was in the office with the doctor we had just done an ultra sound to verify that we again had no heart beat.... Tom tries to call me, I don't answer he knows it has been a long time so things might be bad, I can't answer the phone or get to it to even turn the ringer off..... the best/worst part the ring tone is the song "Another One Bites the Dust" can you even believe the irony?? My easy going Dr. is even getting annoyed at how many times he called and at the ring!!.... ok so back to #6 I go in for my 15 week apt everything looks good measurements all right good heart beat etc... I should be in the clear right??? I go back in at 18 weeks we talk about scheduling the regular ultra sound etc.... no heart beat that flat line screen is just etched in brain and gives me the heeby jeebies just thinking about it...... this can not be happening I have made it past my scary point.... how can this be possible... Then he gives me the best news he thinks I am too far along to have a D&C and that I need to think about delivering this baby.... He will let me think about it and get back to him.... I can't decide he said my chances of Post Abortal Syndrome again scares him and honestly he didn't know much about it but essentially it was up to me. He had done all my other d&C's with an ultra sound which they did not use the first time to make sure this wouldn't happen.... So I go home, decide I just want to do a D&C so I can be put out and not have to deal with it all. I call him and he says no I'm sorry I think it would be best if you deliver it being your 18 weeks along... The best news right oh and my surgery date is Tuesday the same day we have your sister scheduled for a C-Section are you kidding me.... I agree what else can I do, but I beg him please please do not tell my sister I don't want to ruin her day I don't want her feeling sorry for me when she should be having one of the happiest days of her life.... So dumb me I think I can keep this from my sister who lives next door for 3 to 4 days..... When I get bad news like this I come home I drive straight into my garage shut the door right behind me and don't answer the door or phone, she saw this and knew immediately what was happening!! Thank Heavens though the next day her water breaks and she has her baby cute little Zarley binks on Saturday and we do not have to have our worst and best days on the same day....
I will post on Sunday the rest of the story!!